You deserve the love you give to others. You deserve the same measure of sincere, selfless, and authentic affection. But what you get back from other people doesn’t always equal what you give. It’s not always that strong or that real.
Life is not a boomerang: what you give will not always come back to you. Yet you almost never give up in your efforts to give people the best of you.
Almost everyone has been told at some point that if you want to attract people, you have to do “nice” or “sweet” things for them. So you start a behavior pattern full of all kinds of little details, favors, preferences, gifts, flattery and so on. You know that affection comes from attention, but there are times when you go beyond your own limits.
We’re not just talking about courtship. The world is full of people who give endlessly. There are so many people who don’t realize how much they are self-defeating by offering their whole soul without getting anything in return.
These are people who commit themselves with their whole being for others. They think it’s more than just a worthwhile investment: it’s what life is all about. But when it comes to affection, making extreme sacrifices isn’t always a good thing. It certainly has its consequences and it can take a lot out of your mental and emotional health.
You deserve the love you give to others, not some cheap replacement
Take care of something and it will bloom. Plants are a good example of this. See what happens when you put them in the sunlight, fertilize them, remove their old leaves and repot them into larger pots so they can develop their roots. Attention, concern and affection make you grow in every sense of the word and in every direction.
Just as the gardener takes care of his plants, someone should also take care of the gardener. He too needs attention and care, a small detail that many of us forget . You deserve the love you give to others.
There are people who for years have always given everyone love. They charge people with attention and emotions, but do not always get the same positive energy back. Somehow these people have accepted a kind of second – rate love.
It’s a cheap substitute that not only doesn’t let you bloom, but actually poisons you. Yet this does not stop these people from doing what they do every day. At this point, you might be wondering why exactly they do this, or why people get stuck in one-way relationships. The answer is much more complicated than you might think.
The reason for this behavior pattern
We could say it’s just a lack of self-esteem, but it goes beyond that. When these people enter therapy, the first thing you notice is how their internal dialogue flows.
When asked to say something about themselves, they say things like, “I am the second of three siblings. You know how difficult that can be, no one is paying attention to you” . Or then there’s “I’m a salesperson. I had to go to work right away, so I couldn’t study. I had to give up many of my dreams…”
You often see that the lives of these people have been nipped in the bud. You notice a kind of resigned acceptance and get the feeling that deep down they think they just deserve this black and white reality.
They get involved in relationships that don’t really make them happy. They just don’t give them up because they don’t think they can get anything better. In their minds, life has always put them second, so they might as well just settle for whatever they can get.
Give yourself what you need
You deserve the love you give to others. It’s not selfish to think that way, it shows personal integrity and dignity. For so long you have been the only gardener or architect of the relationships you have laid the foundation for.
You have built every part of it and you are also the only one to keep the roof from collapsing over your heads. You are the only one who keeps love safe, sheltered. But you yourself are locked out, and the cold is starting to get to you.
You deserve the love you give to others that you’ve always dreamed of but don’t have now. As we said before, life is not a boomerang: you don’t always get back what you give. Often the boomerang stops halfway through or doesn’t even come back.
So stop throwing. Stop waiting for people to give back what they don’t seem willing to give. Stop putting your energy into an investment that will only give you a loss, not a profit.
You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t hurt, the love you give to others, the kind that fulfills you and helps you grow. You have to be demanding and feel that you deserve it. There’s no better way to do that than by changing your strategy. Go from ‘giver’ to receiver.
You are already an expert at giving the wonderful kind of affection that makes people feel empowered and important in life, so start receiving that love too. Empower yourself, water your inner garden, and follow the dreams you once gave up. Don’t settle and rid yourself of all that rusty acceptance. Free yourself and then find yourself.