Why Can’t I Cry?

Why can't I cry?

This situation is more common than you might think. There are plenty of people who, even when dealing with a personal loss or the like, are unable to cry, to release their pain through their tears.

Crying is part of the grieving process and it is essential to get over misfortune and trauma. It is a physiological form of relief that allows us to relieve stress and tension.

It is often said that people who are unable to cry do not manage their emotions well. In reality, however, we cannot establish this principle with certainty; it’s just one of the theories.

It’s not a problem, but part of a process. Discharge will come sooner or later anyway; maybe later than usual, but one day it will come. And when it does, we’ll feel a lot better.

The physiological need to cry

Sometimes there can be a physical problem. We know that we need to cry in order to discharge our emotions, as well as to cope with stress and tension. However, some people are unable to do this due to a particular autoimmune disease. It’s not like these people are suppressing their feelings. In this case, their problem has a physiological origin that originated in their autoimmune system. These people suffer from an autoimmune disease that is also called ‘Sjögren’s syndrome’. This disease causes the lacrimal glands to dry out, making it impossible to filter tears.

But, of course, it does not always have to be Sjögren’s syndrome. Most of us have experienced being unable to cry for certain reasons,  a reality that can arise for a variety of reasons.

Let’s see what reasons these are:

Tears as part of a process

We are not all the same and we do not deal with our emotions in the same way. Moreover, it is also quite possible that every situation is different and we therefore react differently to this. Normally we have to cry when we lose a loved one, while we may not be able to cry at all when, for example, we are abandoned by our partner.

Why would this be? It all depends on how we understand the problem. We accept the loss of a loved one, we know we will never see them again. We feel the pain and turn this pain into tears. However, when we are faced with a situation where we are abandoned or perhaps cheated, we may deal with this experience in a different way . At first we may experience some misunderstanding; after that, we may cling to the hope that our partner will come back to us or that he will regret what he has done. Next, we can mainly experience anger.

These are phases in which there have been no tears yet, because these tears were still not necessary. At some point, however, despair and sadness will rear their ugly heads. At that point, our eyes will fill with our tears and we will be able to release our emotions through our tears. What can we conclude from this? That tears, the need to cry, are linked to a cycle.

If we mainly experience fear and insecurity and have not yet been able to rationalize the situation, then it is quite possible that no tears will arise. However, this depends on one’s personality. More sensitive personalities are often more likely to use tears as an appropriate release mechanism. People who have a greater need for self-control or the simple need to rationalize every aspect of their lives will take longer to experience those tears.

To cry

Tears and their social connotations

Are tears a sign of weakness or personal fragility? We are not at all weaker or more vulnerable when we show our tears. Sometimes tears are necessary and are an indispensable part of the grieving process. We need to experience our tears in order to feel better.

Sometimes, however, our upbringing and our personal and social context can lead us to believe that it is better to deal with pain in silence. This is a mistake that can cause serious health problems in the long run,  untreated wounds that can turn into inner lesions.

This isn’t worth it at all. Tears and the need to cry are part of your personality. Some people will be better able to let go of their tears and for others it will just be a little harder.

Tears are part of a cycle in which self-recognition is essential to learn how to identify the emotions you are experiencing, how to learn to listen to them. Maybe our tears don’t come when we need them most and this can make us feel strange. With everything that happens to me… how come I can’t cry? Don’t worry, your tears will come when you need them. At the most unexpected moment, when you relax, when you are more aware and you begin to accept your situation. Only then can your tears offer true relief.

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