One of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship is mutual respect. There are several ways to show that you understand your partner. And one of them is that you share or accept their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. But perhaps the most important proof of that respect is when couples consider the three times in the relationship: time for you, for me, and for us.
Sometimes, due to rut, or childcare, lack of time, or sheer selfishness, you sometimes ignore your own needs and opt for routine. In other words, for the absolutely essential. For example, you are completely snowed under by your responsibilities and the daily activities take up all your time.
This can affect the time for yourself or the time you spend with your partner. Nevertheless, knowing how to avoid this vicious circle is essential to solidifying the foundation of your romantic relationship. Let’s take a look at the “three times” in a relationship.
Time for you
Normally, “I need some time to myself” is one of the scariest things you’ll hear in a relationship. You hear this from your partner and your alarm bells start ringing instantly. The questions run through your mind: “Does he not love me anymore?”, “Does he want to break up with me?”, “Am I boring?” or “Is there another one?”
It’s true that a few weeks apart can save or even completely change a relationship. But even then, you could try to never let it get that close to this breaking point. To do this, you will need to understand the person you share your life with and get to know them really well.
For example, some questions you can ask him are: “What are your hobbies?”, “Do you enjoy cycling, reading, walking or shopping together?” or “When you are stressed, how do you get rid of those accumulated lost tension again?”
The hardest part is usually not figuring out what your partner likes. On the contrary, the hardest part is precisely the point where you accept that he likes different things than you do. You shouldn’t interfere or restrict him, but you should encourage his enthusiasm.
If you know that your partner likes to go out and socialize with his friends, give him that space. It’s not good for your relationship if you get angry, act cold, or create tension when he tells you he wants a night out.
Also, showing jealousy or letting him choose between you and his friends isn’t very appropriate. If he wants to do something for himself, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It just means he needs a little space.
Just as you should respect that he may need time to himself, you should also consider your own needs. Don’t make the mistake of selling yourself short. Moments that you enjoy are like a fresh breeze and have a positive effect on your well-being. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, you cannot support your partner well.
Routine can make a relationship bleed to death, especially if sincere tokens of love and touch are not part of everyday life. These make a difference and strengthen the foundation of the relationship when it suffers from problems or the test of time.
We see that many people leave or ignore their familiar circle when they start a new relationship. If you each had your own friends, jobs and hobbies before you met, why would there be so few of them left?
It is so important to combine the fun things you do together with things that make you personally happy. You can enjoy both. You can also learn to keep doing this, even when obstacles get in the way. The solution is to find a balance between time for you together and time for you. This balance can help the relationship develop further.
Even though you’ve both decided to embark on this adventure together, that doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. It is very healthy to gain energy from the things you enjoy. And those are exactly the things that give you the energy to support your partner through difficult times.
Time for us
Relationships are not cacti that you only need to water once a month. If we are going to make a comparison with plants, it would be with a more sensitive plant that needs care and attention much more often.
A relationship requires attention every day. If you don’t, it will slowly die. In fact, one of the most common reasons for a relationship to end is that couples don’t spend enough time together.
Touching each other, paying attention to each other and the details and sweet gestures should be no exception to the daily routine. Instead, they should be part of the instruction manual for the daily maintenance of your relationship.
But be careful. Quantity is just as important here as quality. A little moment in which you can laugh or talk together can be more valuable than being together longer, but with less depth.
As we can see, the well-being of the relationship depends on the three times. You should strive for harmony between the three: time for you, for me and us. The goal is to achieve a balance that makes you both feel good. And there is nothing better than talking together about the basis of this tacit agreement.