Every relationship is different, but sharing the same values in a relationship can enhance it in a healthy, non-toxic way. Establishing relational values as a couple can lay the foundation for a stable and fully functioning relationship.
What makes a couple? In this context, a couple consists of two individuals in an affective and more or less formal relationship.
What are values? Values are the positive qualities or virtues that each person has that make him stand out from the crowd and prompt him to act in accordance with his beliefs. Values can influence their interests and behavior.
A study conducted by Medina et al. (2005) states that both men and women look for someone with similar needs to theirs, someone who is compatible with common traits.
According to mate selection theories, people seek someone with values similar to their own (Centers, 1975). Therefore, they choose partners who share economic, cultural and social characteristics (Rice, 1997).
Share similar life projects
Determining the values in your relationship lays the foundation for things to work or improve. The behaviors and expectations that each person has, and that are related to the couple, are part of their beliefs and social values (Kaminsky, 1981).
The socialization process can change over time because values and social norms are expected to change, so it is normal for people’s beliefs and behavior to change as well (Díaz-Guerrero, 2003).
Thus, expectations, values and behaviors in a relationship change (García-Meráz, 2007). This creates new parameters, influenced by the social setting of the couple (Snyder & Stukas, 1999).
Working together to improve a relationship
Establishing your relationship values is a team effort. As mentioned before, every person is different, so the values of every couple will also be different. However, there are some basic values that most couples share. These relational values are:
- mutual support
- mutual respect
There are many kinds of love, but they all have the same core. Telling someone you love them isn’t the same as saying you want them. These subtleties start with infatuation, grounded love, and later also living together.
It also includes the surprise of discovering the other person, of falling in love and reaching a plateau of stable, long-lasting and persistent love.
Loyalty depends on the couple and their agreements. Each couple establishes a type of commitment. Some couples are strictly monogamous while others are not. If these agreements are fulfilled, there is loyalty.
Being able to feel supported, knowing that the other person will not disappoint you and that he or she will look after your interests, is something that makes you feel more courageous and less vulnerable.
This is great because it allows you to feel empowered and deal with everything. It’s about empathizing with your partner, trying to understand him or her more and better, and expressing your support and unconditional love.
Believe it or not, sometimes couples are more selfish than generous. For some it can be difficult to be generous to their partner and only know how to take care of themselves, what they need, want and like, although this does not resonate with others.
However, being in a relationship is more than that. There are also other ways to be a generous lover. The best thing is not to think about yourself, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their point of view, even if you don’t agree with them.
Mutual respect in a relationship is also one of the essential relational values. Both partners must be on the same level. It’s about giving them space to be themselves and another space to be a couple. Respect is also about fully accepting the other person, without trying to change him or her.
A good relationship is one in which communication is assertive, fluid and reliable. Satir (1988) defines assertive communication as the ability to express oneself in a direct, honest and respectful way.
In short, good communication with your partner means that you should both make a commitment to share your differences, achievements, failures, goals and needs with each other, among other things. Develop your ability to do this. Good communication means a healthy bond, mutual respect, affection, love and devotion.