The classic saying goes like this: The calm before the storm. But what happens when the storm comes first, and represents the overwhelming sense of happiness that begins a new relationship? In that case, the calm is the end of the fairy tale, and the beginning of the power struggles and conflicts.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. According to Costa Rican psychologist Marianela Esquivel , power struggles in a relationship can be healthy. As long as both partners are aware of it, know the triggers, and don’t let it get out of hand.
Power struggle in relationships
The honeymoon is inevitably coming to an end. When this happens we go from completely surrendering to the relationship to seeking balance. We look for a balance in which we are sometimes the priority.
The goal is to find stability and security, through which we regain some of our autonomy. It’s an important moment and the way it goes depends on the relationship.
There will come a time when every couple goes through a power struggle. The maturity of the couple determines the result. That, and how much each person puts themselves into the relationship at the height of the honeymoon.
On the other hand, if both persons have the right emotional resources, this emotional war will not be too demanding.
Despite this, the clash of internal forces takes place at different levels. It’s an intrinsic desire that everyone in a relationship has: self-awareness. A certain kind of selfishness comes out. If you are not ready and aware of it, it can lead to accusations from both sides.
It’s important to recognize this dynamic, however it turns out. That way, you don’t have to blame your partner for all the relationship problems. As a result, you can minimize the power struggles and keep the foundation of the relationship intact.
How do you recognize the symptoms of a power struggle?
However, just because you recognize a power struggle doesn’t mean you can solve it. However, it is the first step. Take a close look at your relationship and see if you can spot the following symptoms:
- Notice if you both always want to be right. Observe if you are holding on to your ideas so hard that you stop listening and see the situation from a different perspective.
- Make sure you do n’t focus solely on your own interests and don’t push your partner’s interests into the background. Remember you are a team.
- Humans aren’t perfect, so we’re all right sometimes, and sometimes we’re not. Don’t focus too much on the mistakes of the other person and don’t forget your own.
- Perfect couples don’t exist either. In other words, your partner wasn’t an incredibly awesome person who suddenly turned into a monster. Don’t let the present disagreement lead you to idealize the past and demonize the present.
Can you reverse an intense power struggle?
The answer is certainly yes . In general , a power struggle is provoked by feelings of insecurity or inferiority. However, we don’t have to overcompensate for our insecurity by pretending to be superior.
Here are some interesting exercises that can heal these types of situations:
- Try to build a friendship with your partner. A partner is not only your lover, but also your teammate, a friend, and partner-in-crime. So before you get offended, try to be nice, tactful, and polite. Remember not to talk to a rival.
- Forget the feeling of wanting to win. Your relationship is not a competition. Focus on the things you share, not what separates you.
- Fight for the relationship, not so much for yourself. When you take care of your partner, you also take care of yourself.
- Physical contact is essential. It’s intimate communication. It is also a source of endless fun if you have a little imagination.
- Ask the opinion of others. Seek happiness with your partner by fostering rapport. Let go of the fear of being rejected.
If we put these exercises into practice, the power struggle in a relationship will not harm us. It will also show that this phenomenon can also be positive for the relationship. As a result, both partners feel valued and safe.