Some Situations Take Longer Than Is Good For You

Some situations take longer than is good for you

Prolonging bad circumstances – getting wet – when we actually suffer from them, for example because someone hurts us, or simply because we don’t like the state of affairs itself at all, is common. In fact, it is the order of the day. You and I have most likely been ‘guilty’ of it more than once. Every book writer knows from experience that finishing a novel is almost always a much greater challenge than starting it anyway.

Acute fear—as a symptom of our evolutionary survival instinct—often paralyzes us before we even try. However, once we overcome this barrier, that existential startle spontaneously melts away. The explanation for this is that the doomsday scenario that we fear so much, and that we project unilaterally into the future, almost never really materializes. And if that does happen, it usually turns out that we can still manipulate the ‘catastrophe’, and that in the end it rarely turns out as disastrous as previously proposed.

How do you put a period when a sentence or situation explicitly asks for it?

Putting an end to something – whatever that is – usually remains very difficult. Our minds become entangled in the tangle of its own imagination, succumbing to manic speculation – and thus lose sight of the rather austere reality. We delude ourselves with the thought that this end means the end. Therefore, remind yourself – in that temporary void, where everything is open again, and you are at the mercy of the unknown – that the best hunches, and the most groundbreaking changes, hide just beyond fear. On the other or inside side of our nightmare.

The mere prospect of breaking up or having to break up a love affair can ultimately confuse us. But if you think calmly, and see that you hardly give each other care, warmth and affection, you may have to admit in all honesty that it is better to actively choose divorce, rather than going on autopilot. toil, without hope or perspective.

Situations

To make a more realistic assessment of the dilemma and its consequences, visualize clearly for yourself what exactly is at stake – namely: what is the likely outcome in both cases, if I do or do not let my fear? This systematic approach helps us to think more objectively, and not to bury our head in the sand out of sudden panic. It is also a technique that can be applied to all kinds of areas of our lives that we are not satisfied with: work, relationships, family, health.

Don’t fall prey to self-deception

My partner will change, that he doesn’t love me is my fault. At work, or at school, things will get better on their own. It’s only a matter of time. And so on. We are masters at fooling ourselves – subtly – with such supposedly reassuring phrases, which we keep repeating inwardly like a kind of conjuring mantra. In this way we place the responsibility of, and the capacity for change outside of ourselves, and we give others far more power than is necessary, and in fact the case.

Nothing and no one can trick us as seamlessly as our own brain—precisely because it is instinctively driven by an ancient, impersonal survival mechanism in which self-preservation is the greatest good, and the highest goal, at all costs. The brain interprets, and – out of expediency – even manipulates the information that the senses receive from our environment. Almost everyone is, to a greater or lesser degree, susceptible to such ‘blind spots’ and ‘blind spots’, that is, to distorting – to our own advantage – reality. We cut, paste and edit – minute by minute – our version of the ‘my-life-then-there-here-now-and-later’ newsreel. In short: we see what we want to see.

Situations

Should you ‘catch’ yourself on this cringe-inducing tendency, being honest is the most important thing you can do. No matter how painful or raw the situation – at that moment – ​​is. Acceptance may not come without a fight, but confessing to yourself how the fork really is in the handle is always better than keeping up appearances with a false conscience. Only when you begin to accept this impasse can you move forward. Of course we are probably to blame, but admitting that, and at the same time daring to account for it, is a sign of maturity.

It is very important to watch the consequences of our behavior, and the reality of our situation, without protective blinders. Also from the perspective of the people who love and respect us. Ask your friends, family, co-workers, and those who set an example for you how they feel about an issue, and reflect on their words. You can then draw a more complete, informed conclusion based on that and learn your lesson.

Approach every situation as an opportunity for personal growth

Overcoming fears, persevering and moving on, trusting ourselves and being able to end things if necessary, are fundamental skills in our development into a wise, balanced and autonomous individual; with the experience that fate , and our quality of life, is, after all, in our own hands.

Situations

Ultimately, we ourselves are the designers of our own emotions and feelings. Realizing this, and harnessing this capacity, is perhaps our most important source of self-esteem, and the most powerful testimony to our true potential. If we ignore this innate affective talent, as humans, it will slowly wither and shrivel. Therefore, for ourselves, and for our loved ones, let us live as sincerely, pure and loyally as possible.

Life is great when you’re not afraid of it 

Irrational fear occurs at multiple times in our lives. It can keep us from enjoying every moment of our lives. Read more.

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