Some people just like to give their unsolicited opinion. People who ‘help’ everyone by telling them what they should do. These are the kind of people with big egos, people who give their opinion as if it were an absolute truth. And they always use a condescending, critical tone.
Obviously you always fall for the wrong guys. I tell you he will cheat on you as soon as he gets the chance. I say this for your own good. Just put that idea out of your mind because it’s too much for you. These things happen to you because you have no personality…
Many of us have heard things like this before. It is important to remember that while we have the right to express our opinion, it is wrong to use it to hurt, humiliate or look down on someone.
We must also remember that opinions are only personal expressions. They are simply reflections of the emotional and cognitive world of the people who broadcast them.
But, as Leonardo Da Vinci said, the worst mistake people can make is to believe in the deception of their own opinions. For there is no worse ignorance than when a person begins to think that his personal evaluations are universal truths.
Advice can be chains
It often happens that opinions are our chains. Let’s think about that for a moment. When someone gives his opinion about us, he does so from his personal reality, experience and values.
Everything about this is still normal, it’s to be expected, and we understand. But we can also add something to this, something called “attention bias” or “confirmation bias” in psychology.
That is, there are people who only perceive what they want to see. People who limit themselves to merely observing certain aspects in order to make inaccurate and highly biased judgments.
The so-called theory of rational choice also tells us that many of the heuristics we apply to our thoughts and opinions respond to simple ‘intuitions’, simplistic evaluations that lead to errors.
All of this undoubtedly explains why certain people use their personal shackles to draw conclusions as debatable as, “Women are naturally weak.” Or: ‘Children need a steady hand to learn’. Or even: ‘Anyone who professes a different religion than me is a terrorist’.
So we have to be very careful with people who use their opinion as if it is a unique, exclusive and absolute truth. Because nothing defines someone like the reactions he expresses.
On the other hand, you have probably seen that someone who spews these indisputable and harmful opinions tends to react very negatively to the opinions of others. These kinds of people may even see it as a personal attack if we try to counter their arguments with logical, reasonable principles.
They will not accept or listen to this, because those mental shackles are a very rigid thinking pattern. In fact, there are many people who define these types of people as real “trolls”.
If you give me your opinion please make sure it is useful
We can and should all give our opinion about what we want. But we must do this in a respectful way, not in an insulting or belittling way.
It doesn’t matter if it’s true and hurts; if it is useful and critical, it is welcome.
So we will try to control evaluations that, even if we don’t realize it, come directly from the amygdala. The place where emotions such as fear, hatred or anger develop. Where we express an opinion with the intention of hurting, labeling or looking down on others. We do it with the express desire to be above others.
On the other hand, our society likes strong opinions. But they are weakly supported. For example, think of opinions like: ‘Vote for me or the world will turn into chaos’. Or: ‘Buy this product and you will be happy’. “Get slimmer, dress like this, do this, and you’ll have social success.” We must learn to think differently.
Let’s learn to detach ourselves a little from our opinions. This way we can see what else is out there.
For example, let’s not tell our girlfriend that the dress she’s wearing is terrible. First, let’s ask ourselves if she’s wearing this dress because she likes it. Or, because she just dresses differently than we do.
Let’s not forget the useful filter of Aristotle’s three truths:
- Are you sure what you’re about to say is true?
- Is what you’re going to say right?
- Is the opinion you are going to express concretely useful for that person?
If the answer to these three questions is yes, then you can choose to express your opinion. In this case, you give your opinion to improve your relationship, strengthen mutual respect and create stronger relationships.