Forgiving Is About Understanding, Not About Justifying

Forgiveness has always been considered a virtue. Some people have a particularly hard time forgiving when someone does something to hurt them. Others are willing to really forgive everything. How do we find the middle way? The first step to forgiveness is understanding.

Knowing how to forgive doesn’t mean we have to forget everything that others have done to us and have ignored our feelings. It is important to understand how to let go of our anger. But neither should we justify what is unjustifiable. So keep reading. Learn how to forgive in a balanced way. It will promote your emotional well-being!

Forgiveness starts with ourselves

Learning how to forgive doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter what others have done to us. But we do let go of the initial irritation or annoyance. Because these feelings can quickly turn into anger. This will also negatively affect our life and relationship with the person who hurt us. Actually, forgiveness helps us to let go of what happened. At the same time, we take steps to protect our future selves from what has hurt us.

Woman hugging herself because forgiving yourself is sometimes difficult

We often talk about forgiving others. But we have a bad habit of forgetting to forgive ourselves. The truth is, none of us are perfect. This may sound like a cliché, but we all make mistakes. It is important that we understand this. We are often so hard on ourselves that we set ourselves unattainable standards. This then leads to frustration, fear and a sense of anger towards ourselves.

Recognizing that we are human is the first step to forgiving ourselves. But we can go one step further. If we’ve done something that we think is wrong, then we need to stop obsessive about it. Instead, we can look for a solution.

What is needed is that we break the thinking patterns that lead us to a dead end. Rather, we need to find a proactive way to solve the problem. Actually there are two possibilities. We can fix what we’ve done wrong. If there is no way to fix it, we can figure out what we can do in the future to avoid the same error.

Forgiveness is realizing that everyone makes mistakes

Once we realize that we are not perfect, we must also remember that others are not. Often it is much easier to justify our own mistakes than the mistakes of those around us. The truth is that we have high expectations of others, as well as of ourselves.

Two pairs of hands holding each other

All too often we expect something from others that they just can’t do. It is very important that we understand that others are under no obligation to meet our expectations. Only then can we learn to forgive them for what we believe they did wrong. Just like when we get angry with ourselves, it is important that we try to let go of our anger.

We emphasize again here that it does not help us to think again and again about what someone has done wrong. If something bothers us, we should try to understand the other person’s motives. What reasons would the other have had for acting that way? It can be helpful to keep communicating and looking for a solution to what happened.

To forgive is to understand. However, this does not mean that everything is justifiable

That doesn’t mean we should habitually forgive everything people do to us. It is important that we value our rights and needs. If we constantly apologize for what others do to us, we damage our own well-being and hinder self-affirmation.

Two people who hug each other and forgive each other

When we learn to listen to our feelings, we have an idea of ​​how to act. That way we can learn to set boundaries and defend our rights.

So we must learn not to always forgive everything. That is why we need to think about what happened and the reason behind our anger. That way we can place the responsibility for what happened on the right person.

We’re not talking about pointing fingers here. It is about fair distribution of responsibility. Before you just forgive someone, we recommend that you talk about their behavior. Also talk about the expectations of each person involved and which outcome is preferable. So it is indeed all about balancing your own needs with the needs of others. Learn to forgive! 

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