Forgiveness is a powerful weapon that allows you to live in peace with others and especially with yourself, but many people do not understand how liberating forgiveness can be.
However, forgiveness can be a double-edged sword. It’s actually a common form of manipulation by others to get people to do what they want. It is therefore important to understand forgiveness and to learn to set limits to protect yourself from abuse by others.
In addition, our culture imposes certain forms of behavior that we follow mechanically, often without realizing what we are doing or why we are doing it. We simply react as expected, without thinking about other options, which feed and reinforce the stereotypes we dislike.
Next, we’ll look at some of the best-known myths and misconceptions about forgiveness. Thinking about these myths will help you forgive others more sincerely and be more aware of what you are doing and why.
1. We must overcome the feeling of pain before we can forgive
Many people believe that they must first overcome the pain and anger before they can forgive, as if they must first feel better before they are able to forgive. But the truth is actually the opposite.
Forgiveness is a choice you must make. If you wait until you get over your anger, the anger will make it harder and harder to do it. You have to decide the moment you are angry. Thus, the state of anger and tension passes more quickly because you don’t let the anger control you.
2. You must choose forgiveness, even if you don’t feel it
This is something we often say to our children and many people hold onto this in their adult lives. Forgiveness is not a choice you can force. It must be a free and conscious choice, even if it takes a little longer.
If you only forgive because you feel you must, because you believe it is the right thing to do, but you do not forgive from your heart, the anger will take on negative forms at another time. Take all the time you need, but freely choose whether to forgive or not.
3. You shouldn’t forgive the same thing over and over
Humans are human and that means we make mistakes, and sometimes we make them over and over again. We are, in fact, the only living beings that keep hitting the same rock (as they say) over and over again.
Learning from your mistakes is not easy, especially if you are not fully aware of your mistake. Ultimately, not everyone understands things in the same way, and our behavior is influenced by many factors.
There are things you can forgive once that you find harder to forgive the second time. But not all violations are equally serious and their impact depends on the person who commits them. That’s why you should see each problem individually and not generalize.
4. You can’t forgive someone who has no regrets
If the other person doesn’t regret what he/she has done, all the weight of the anger and anger will fall on you. It actually hurts even more. If you forgive every person who has hurt you, you will free yourself from this heavy burden.
Many people use this to hurt others because they understand the power they have in not regretting their actions. If you forgive them, you will disarm them. You will take from them a valuable resource for their negative goals.
5. By forgiving, you validate the other person’s actions
Many people think that forgiveness is a way of telling the other person that what he/she is doing is okay or acceptable. Many people even use this way of thinking to excuse inappropriate or illegal behavior.
By forgiving someone, you send them a message that they no longer have power over you. You say you’re above it. In that way, forgiveness allows you to rise above the mental manipulation that the other person is trying to apply to you.