Mother: A great word. For many people it is a beautiful word, but it has many different meanings. These come from things like memories, essences and, of course, children. But it is also a role that has its limits for the person who plays it. Crossing these boundaries, as supermoms often do, can endanger both the mother and the children, leaving them dependent and insecure.
We don’t want this to be just another article that lists all the things you’re doing wrong for you. Instead , we ‘re going to talk about the actions and settings you can change to balance your role as a mother. But you have to do this without trying to control everything. In doing so, you give your children the space to use their abilities to take on challenges that will help them grow. For their own good and yours too.
I just want the best for my kids
This statement is one of the main principles that guide many mothers. But it is ambiguous because it stems from the desires of the parents. It leaves no room for children to be people with their own wants and needs. In that sense, it’s more like the statement, “I just want my kids to have what I didn’t have growing up (my kids will have everything).”
Every child is unique and has their own needs, preferences and personality. But when parents, especially mothers, have fantasies and desires for their children, it is difficult to get them to talk and listen to what they have to say. What sports or extracurricular activities they want to do, what they want to eat, how they want to dress. Or what they want to study or do with their lives.
The mission of the mother, especially super moms, is to be a helper and always be by her children’s side as they grow up. Not to create their desires for them. What is best for a mother may not be best for her child. It’s the same when they’re young. Because children depend on their parents both economically and in terms of love and affection, they may begin to put their parents’ desires above their own.
Supermoms, listen before you steer
Children, as small and defenseless as they may seem, have wishes and desires from an early age. Giving them options and the ability to choose encourages these wants and desires. It also makes them feel special and feel trusted when it comes to their independence. As parents, we think we know what’s best for our kids, but you’ll only make your kids insecure if you always choose them.
From the time they are little, you should let your kids participate in decisions such as giving them options for lunch or dinner. For example, let them choose what kind of fish they want or ask them first if they’d like you to make certain changes, such as redecorating their room. If they can’t decide, keep them informed and make sure they are part of family decisions like moving or changing schools.
Super moms, independence equals confidence
As mothers, we see our children as small and defenseless. We find it extremely difficult to promote their independence. However, not doing so can lead to dependent children who do not know how to do things for themselves. Or to children who know how to do everything, but do everything very insecurely.
You can encourage their independence from the time they are very small. To set this in motion, you need to learn not to do anything for them that they can easily do themselves. For example, you can start doing this when your child is only eight or nine months old. Think of the Baby-Led Weaning method, which means that you give your child the opportunity to feed themselves.
Another way to encourage your children’s independence is to involve them in household chores. For example, have them help by taking out the trash, making their beds, or doing the laundry. They can also help with the care of pets and plants, or even with cooking or cleaning, as best they can. And usually their skills are more developed than you might think.
Kids love every part of this and it makes them feel useful. You can encourage their independence from the time they are little. However, it is never too late to start. Doing this doesn’t mean you won’t be able to manage your kids anymore. It means raising children who can solve their own problems and have good self-esteem and confidence.
Super moms, teach your child to be someone
Today, we all suffer from “performance arthritis.” As parents, we get carried away with this and prioritize our children’s grades over other experiences that are just as enriching. Education and study become the main goal, and the only thing that matters to our children.
We focus everything around this concept of education (which is very limited) and we end up punishing our kids when they tell us they didn’t get a good grade. We force them to spend their afternoons, weekends and holidays on their homework. And when they fail, we look for some kind of disorder or cognitive issue behind their failings.
Supermothers, guide your child
To avoid this, most supermoms don’t hesitate to sacrifice their own free time to help their child with his homework or study. They try to keep everything under control. And sometimes even do the homework for their kids so they get a good grade. But your job is just to find the right time and space for your kids and help them get well organized. You have to get them going, but not do anything for them. As they get older, your kids should realize that their homework is their responsibility and has three goals that only make sense if they work toward it themselves:
- Repeat what they learned in class
- Go deeper into what they learned
- Creating their own work routine
It is difficult to grow with your children and to give them more and more space. But this space will help them grow and achieve stimulating goals. So it is a real must. It is just as important as a house, food and clothing. In that sense, little by little, protective supermothers need to turn into mothers who walk beside their children and encourage their children. Mothers who give their opinion but don’t decide.
This means that you should even help them with dreams and goals that you don’t like. They may not be the goals you would have chosen for them, but you must remember that it is their life, not yours. As adults, we have a lot of power to make that life beautiful, but also to hinder their dreams. That is the real sacrifice that comes with raising children, nothing else.