Some people think that the best relationship a mother and daughter can have with each other is the kind of relationship in which they are “best friends.” However, such a relationship comes with the risk that over time there will be rivalry, disrespect, confusion and even an invasion of privacy. A mother is simply more than a best friend, a mother is a mother.
Children need an adult who will set an example for them and show them what authority and respect mean. They need someone to show them the way, protect and support them so that this person can exemplify that emotional stability and mental health they so desperately need and bring regularity into their lives.
The problem with this kind of relationship, where mother and daughter are “best friends,” is that the healthy boundary that the mother-daughter relationship offers begins to blur. Basically this should be a bond of camaraderie and education. However, a friendship turns this bond into a restraining and overprotective relationship towards the daughter. As a result, no model of respect and authority can be built at all, because the mother is seen as equal.
In these kinds of unhealthy and confusing relationships, a lot of insecurity is often created in the daughter, because her choices are subject to her mother’s knowledge and approval, and the fear that she will disappoint her mother. This sign of overprotection is detrimental to the development of the daughter’s personality, as it creates a harmful dependence between mother and daughter.
The different ways to be a mother
If the daughter clearly does not understand the idea of an authority figure, it will make her feel as if she is not being protected. Her confidence will be damaged. She will doubt when making choices and thereby thwart her desire for independence.
The fact that mother and daughter are not best friends does not mean that the two cannot have a close and mutually enriching bond. However, it is one thing to be friends and quite another to be a mother and daughter. No doubt a good mother always wants the best for her daughter. However, this does not give her the right to invade her daughter’s privacy, with the excuse of building a closer friendship with her daughter.
It is essential to understand the origin of this phenomenon. In most cases, this mother’s behavior indicates emotional conflict over dependence. And in some cases, these conflicts are accompanied by depression and the fear that her daughter will make the same mistakes as her. If this is the case, then it is really up to the mother to resolve these conflicts herself, alone or with the help of a professional.
How can you improve this relationship?
Daughters know that they don’t necessarily have to obey their friends. And this is exactly why a mother must be loving, but strict at the same time.
In addition, a daughter does not really need to know anything about her mother’s personal problems. This will only create unfounded fears, sadness and confusion about the relationship between her parents.
It is recommended that these types of relationships should be transparent. It is important to build trust spontaneously, not forced. If this doesn’t happen, a permanent state of fear and mistrust can develop, which will eventually turn into emotional fatigue, something that could have been prevented.
If, on the other hand, both mother and daughter are experiencing problems between each other, then they should be able to talk about it openly. It’s not healthy to be silent about things that can actually be a source of irritation. These things should be discussed together, always in an atmosphere of sincerity and respect. In this way, the relationship between mother and daughter will be healthy and free.
What both should learn
The daughter should understand that there will be choices in her life that her mother has to make for her, especially if she is still a minor. Just imagine how much anger could arise if these choices were made by a friend. What a mother can be forgiven, a friend cannot always be forgiven.
Misunderstandings between mother and daughter can always be resolved. However, it is important that you choose the right time for this. Just add a little common sense to the affection and trust that already exists so that any disagreements or potential disagreements that may arise can be properly handled.
It is important that the daughter learns to solve her own problems herself and thereby become more independent. Let her know that as a mother you will always be there for her, that you will support and advise her as only a mother can. The daughter also needs to understand that some aspects of her life are private, just for herself. The level of trust should not be abused, because everyone has their own story and has to live their own life.
And what about you, what do you think about this?